Look Out World--I Quit Smoking...Again (Day 2 1/2)

The final hours of day 1 were trying at best.

I arrived home after picking up our daughter that evening after work, to find my husband, broom in hand sweeping the floor. On the stove was our dinner. He had thoughtfully decided to get it started so we didn't have to eat too late, which is normally the case. At first I was thinking, WOW, cooking dinner and sweeping the floor, I like the way this no smoking thing is affecting my husband. Instead I said, "Funny, I was doing the same thing earlier today", hinting toward the broom in his hand.

"I doubt you were doing this", my husband stated flatly.

On the verge of being insulted, I noticed a wildness in my husbands face. He was holding back a venomous flow of words only because I our daughter stood before him. The dam was on the verge of being breached.

Thankfully our daughter was oblivious to her fathers emotional distress, but it hit me like a tree branch in a fierce wind. He motioned towards the stove and as I entered the door closer to the stove, I noticed shards of glass sticking out of what should have been our dinner and a metal ring on the stove. On the counter sat the handle to the glass cover that was no more. Glass fragments scattered like shimmering diamonds across the stove top. He was sweeping up the pieces that had landed on the floor, so that we could walk by with out dragging them throughout the house.

Trying to make light of the situation, I told him eating was overrated. I also made sure to tell him that I really appreciated the fact that he was making dinner for us. It was extremely thoughtful. The wildness started to leave his face and the tumultuous waters seemed to calm. We finished cleaning up the mess together and he went to get pizza.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. We made it through day 1 without yelling at each other. If I thought we were being tested by some cosmic teacher, I would have to say that we passed.

Day 2 started out pretty well. I woke up and I was able to get my daughter off to school with out thinking about having a cigarette. Problem was, when I got home I really started to want one. Another hubber mentioned that it is like missing a life long friend. Truly, it does feel like that. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat on my couch feeling sorry for myself, lost. Most times when I feel like this I am able to turn on the television and find something to ease my brain. Of course that day had to be the day that there was absolutely nothing on t.v. that I wanted to watch. I ended up watching some public access channel that was airing a dance recital.

Watching the young children dancing around in harmony with the music, I began to cry. What a strange thing to cry over, I thought to myself. I was alone and I didn't care. It felt good. Little did I know that it wouldn't be the only time that I cried that day.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I decided to tackle our taxes. I personally dread this time of year. I get to see how little we make and how much the government and state get to take. We have our own cleaning business on top of my husband working a regular job where taxes are automatically taken out. On top of that we pay a contractor to help us out on the days that I am unable to work because of not having someone to watch our daughter after school. Anyway, doing our taxes is a nightmare most of the time as you can imagine. Probably should have a tax person do it for us, but we never have the money to fork out to these people to do it.

It took me nearly 5 hours to get everything checked and double checked. The federal portion was finally done. For about an hour I thought we owed money. I panicked and called my husband at work. Didn't want to suffer alone. He got upset, said I must be doing something wrong. We hung up. I cried.

He was right though. I was doing something wrong. I found it, I fixed it, I stopped crying.

After what seemed like a tremendously long day, my daughter and I are snuggling on the couch watching Ghost Whisperer. All was going well until Miranda, the woman on the show, saved all the souls from the plane crash. I watched them all walk into the light and started sobbing. My daughter was looking at me like I was some kind of crazy person. I don't know what happened, but I just couldn't help it.

I did read later that boughts of depression and being emotional after quitting is normal. I guess that is why so many people find it easier to quit with prescribed drugs. It takes the edge off. I also noticed that I have had a stomach ache for a couple of days. That too is normal. Amazing what changes your body goes through just from quitting smoking. I can just picture the damage it causes while I was smoking.

In the previous hub I mentioned the electronic cigarette. I did do some research on it, but basically it is inconclusive. The electronic cigarette has not, as far as I have found, been approved by the FDA. Though it has been considered a great aid in helping a person quit, they have also found some minimal dangers in it. The research and testing phases are still in progress and there is just not enough proof concerning adverse effects. I think it comes down to weighing damages, which one will do the most damage over a certain period of time. My guess it would be actually smoking a cigarette.

Out of fear of loosing yet another nail to ferocious nibbling, I might have to consider the electronic cigarette. I also have to admit that I am having a hard time staying away from excessive food eating. I think that is why I lost a nail. When I can't take the cravings anymore I have been good and grabbed for carrots, but that was only after the bag of cookies was gone. Oh, Lord I hope I can make it through another day. Day 3 is upon me.

Please feel free to leave me comments and encouragement as I need them to get through everyday. If you have wisdom to share that would be great too. You all have been wonderful. I appreciate you stopping by and supporting me.